I am going to start blogging again with
the swim parent in mind. I have studied the swim parent from the very
beginning of my coaching. It was made aware to me at the age of 14
that they will be the biggest headache to any swim coach. I was
curious how this could be, so I have since paid a huge attention to
many swim parents. After years of observing, I began researching and
then creating my own opinion, which I then began to preach about
being a swim parent through my observations as a swimmer and a coach.
I have noted on many other blog posts
about being a swim parent. Sometimes I feel guilty about preaching to
parents. When you become a parent there is no manual on how to do it.
You learn as you go, and you take lessons learned from your own
parents good and bad experiences. Through this method there becomes a
problem with every generation, as every generation is different from
the next. In the end though many people become good parents, and its
many times through the experience of others that helps them do so;
maybe not by doing it exactly the same way, but using an experience
to help mold their own.
When it comes to swimming it is the
coaches who have the experiences, and they have many, and they are
both for the good and for the bad. Even if a parent grew up in
swimming, they do not understand how things change over time, and
sometimes forget about their time as a young age-grouper and all they
can recall is their time as a high school or college swimmer. They
forget about how different age-group swimming was compared to the
higher levels.
In USA Swimming, we have become so
much better at developing swimmers. The huge masses that qualify at
these high standards now is amazing. One of their goals at USA
Swimming was to build the base; when you look at the base in USA
Swimming it is quite amazing. The training of young athletes has
changed as we do not see young swimmers as little adults, but as
developing children and have changed the training regimen of most of
the age-group programs. This is a hard thing for many parents to
understand, as they want to see their children be the most
successful, when in reality we are just developing skills and
allowing pure talent dictate who is fast at the early ages of 12 and
under. It is the work ethic and the skills learned that pushes them
beyond that point of an age-grouper and the best swimmers will be
decided at the ages beyond 16 years old.
Parents have become such a large
source of swimmers dropping out of the sport and the removal of so
many coaches over the years, that there is a slight dislike of swim
parents, in general, amongst some coaches. Although I have been
burned many times in the past by parents, I still have a true belief
that there more good than there are bad parents out there. I believe
most conflicts arise from a parents desire to want the best for their
child, and have a hard time seeing the long term growth and the role
the swimmer gets to play in the success of their swim club rather
than the success of the individual. I believe that human nature
breeds these feelings and that you must actively be fighting off
these feelings to really be able to execute them. A good swim parent
isn't just natural, it is something that takes work and effort. You
must work to not get mad at your swimmer when they goof off and
doesn't listen at practice when they are 8 years old. You must work
to not provide feedback on your child's race, and allow the coach to
do the developing. You must work to not look at the other child and
wonder why they are getting faster and not yours. It takes effort to
understand that children develop at different times, and it is not
equal based on age alone.
The idea that it isn't about what a
swimmer can do to help them get better as an individual, but what
they can do to help make their club a better team. This helps kids be
able to handle the ups and downs of the swimmer career, and doesn't
allow their own performances be magnified and built up. Our club,
Conejo Simi Swim Club, utilizes a family volunteer hours system. This
system helps the club be able to do special activities that help the
club, but it also forces parents to be part of the swim club beyond
their own child. It is not popular, but it does get more parents
involved who might not be involved if it were not there. Parents get
to know other parents on the team that they may never had met before,
which in turn creates a closer relationship. When the parents are
willing to do what's best for the team, then it is many times easier
to get the kids to buy in as well. This is not easy for some parents,
where others it is very natural, but like I said in the previous
paragraph; being a sports parent is going to be some work.
As I continue with these blog posts, I
hope you allow yourself to consider the things I bring up. These
things are not to say that you are a bad parent because you do these
things, but for you to have an idea of things to consider working
towards to improve yourself as a swim parent, despite the fact that
you are already a great parent (in my book, you are already a great
parent by just putting your kid in the great sport of swimming).
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